A chimpanzee capable of doing simple tasks such asrepetitive factory work has been created in the laboratoryby modifying the brain of a chimpanzee embryo with humanDNA. The chimp has a measurable IQ of 68, well within therange necessary to accomplish simple tasks such asjanitorial and some factory assembly work, and stoop labor,for example, on farms.
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Surgeons in Denmark accidentally set fire to a patient’sgenitals while doing routine surgery to remove a mole on hisleft buttock, local authorities in Kjellerup report. The 30year old man had an attack of flatulence during the surgery,which led to a flash fire that ignited surgical spirits onhis genitals. The man said, “when I woke up, my penis andscrotum were burning like hell.” The hospital called it “anunfortunate accident.” The unidentified victim is suing.
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For seven hundred years, the annual papal Palm Sundayprocession has followed approximately the same route, butthis year the pope took a wrong turn, leading thousands downalleys, through a coffee bar and into a rail yard, where theprocession degenerated into a chaos of waving palm frondsand sheep, which escaped from a stopped cattle train in theconfusion. A distraught Pope Benedict XVI announced thatthis was just another indication that the end times are uponus. “Strange behavior and odd signs indicate the approach ofthe latter days,” he said as he used his symbolic staff inthe actual herding of sheep.
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In the past, Unknowncountry.com has posted false stories onApril 1, in an attempt to dupe unwitting readers. Often,this was successful, as readers were convinced by storiessuch as one that maintained that elderly Tyrannosaurus Rexesused gigantic canes when they became arthritic and anotherthat claimed that Presdent Bush was also a well-known brainscientist. The website has become much larger in recentyears, and is now one of the world’s few serious sources of’edge’ news. As such, our editorial staff no longer feelsthat pranks are appropriate, and therefore the April Fool’sissue will not appear this year.
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