Home  »  Headline News

Have You Ever Seen Bigfoot?

April 2, 2006
If so, please send a sketch of what you saw to cryptozoology researcher Loren Coleman. NOTE: This news story, previously published on our old site, will have any links removed. continued

Exclusive Store Annoys Chimpanic Customers

April 1, 2006
A group of fifteen chimpanics entered Manhattan?s famedFedora City hatshop this morning and ate thirty-five strawhats, including Panamas worth in excess of $500.00 each.Headwear Diplomate Ann Sothern said that ?they seemed veryexcited when they came in, attempting to try on... continued

NIH to Enforce Bat Soup Consumption

April 1, 2006
Soup made from the common bat has been found to possiblydiminish the effects of bird flu, andthe White House has announced that the National Institutesof Health will be enforcing twice-weekly consumption of batsoup by all Americans. NIH Enforcement Director GeneralEmilio... continued

Face Theft New Travelers Terror

April 1, 2006
A riot broke out in the lobby of the Lucky Star Hotel inShanghai after forty American tourists awoke to discoverthat surgically skilled thieves had stolen their facesduring the night. The distraught tourists, some of themwearing pillowcases over their heads, others... continued

DNA Proves Chimps to be Human

April 1, 2006
Dr. Albert S. Meinheimer of the National Academy of SciencesCommission for Primate Affairs has confirmed that chimpanzeeand human DNA are actually identical. ?The chimp is a humanbeing with a different lifestyle,? Dr. Meinheimer explainedto an emergency assembly of zoo and... continued

Parakeet Swallows Tiny UFO

April 1, 2006
Famed alien implant expert Dr. Roger Leir has announced thatan apparent ?nanoufo? that flew into his home has gone downthe throat of his daughter?s parakeet and not come out. ?Wegot the entire incident on videotape,? Dr. Leir told NewYork Times?... continued

Bird Flu: Good News (for a change)

March 31, 2006
Physicians have been worried that there will not be enough star anise available to create the Tamiflu drug needed if there is a bird flu epidemic. Now chemists have discovered an alternative medicine, from the sweetgum tree, which is widely... continued

War Propaganda

March 31, 2006
It has been revealed that a group of government officials known by the ironic name of The Lincoln Group has been spreading propaganda and disinformation about the Iraq war. Andrew Buncombe reports in The Independent that this group pressures newspapers... continued

Mexican UFOs Acknowledged by Church

March 30, 2006
Journalist Paola Harris reports that Monsignor Corrado Balducci, whom Whitley interviewed for his book Confirmation, says that Mexico is blessed by its current waves of UfO Sightings, which are being investigated by Jaime Maussan. He says he will continue be... continued

The Mathematics of Sex

March 30, 2006
When men and women are asked how many sexual partners they have had, men report having had far more than women, which is statistically impossible?unless the man is an artist. New research shows that professional artists and poets have two... continued