2019-03-01
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World Weather Chaos
April 4, 2006Weather across the world has been violent, with unusualevents in Hawaii and Europe, and exceptionally destructivestorms in the U.S. At least 27 people died overnight in themidwestbecause of tornadoes. Over the past month, thestate of Hawai'i has received record rainfall.... continued
Solution for High Gas Prices
April 4, 2006Designers assure us that the highways of tomorrow will be filled with lighter, cleaner and more fuel-efficient automobiles made in from recycled plastics (from things like soda bottles), wood pulp and cellulose. Researchers at General Motors are pinning their hopes... continued
Highest Waves Ever Measured Appear North of Scotland
April 3, 2006Waves so huge 'they shouldn't even exist' hammered theresearch vessel Discovery off the coast of Scotland for 12hours. The largest of the waves was a ninety foot monster,and the average wave measured seventy feet in height. Thewaves came with a... continued
April Fool!
April 2, 2006We didn't fool many of you this April 1, but we did manageto suck in a few horrified and/or outraged readers for ourannual April Fool's page. Tradition dictates that we lampoon a prominent figure. Lastyear, it was to be the... continued
Have You Ever Seen Bigfoot?
April 2, 2006If so, please send a sketch of what you saw to cryptozoology researcher Loren Coleman. NOTE: This news story, previously published on our old site, will have any links removed. continued
Face Theft New Travelers Terror
April 1, 2006A riot broke out in the lobby of the Lucky Star Hotel inShanghai after forty American tourists awoke to discoverthat surgically skilled thieves had stolen their facesduring the night. The distraught tourists, some of themwearing pillowcases over their heads, others... continued
DNA Proves Chimps to be Human
April 1, 2006Dr. Albert S. Meinheimer of the National Academy of SciencesCommission for Primate Affairs has confirmed that chimpanzeeand human DNA are actually identical. ?The chimp is a humanbeing with a different lifestyle,? Dr. Meinheimer explainedto an emergency assembly of zoo and... continued
Parakeet Swallows Tiny UFO
April 1, 2006Famed alien implant expert Dr. Roger Leir has announced thatan apparent ?nanoufo? that flew into his home has gone downthe throat of his daughter?s parakeet and not come out. ?Wegot the entire incident on videotape,? Dr. Leir told NewYork Times?... continued
Exclusive Store Annoys Chimpanic Customers
April 1, 2006A group of fifteen chimpanics entered Manhattan?s famedFedora City hatshop this morning and ate thirty-five strawhats, including Panamas worth in excess of $500.00 each.Headwear Diplomate Ann Sothern said that ?they seemed veryexcited when they came in, attempting to try on... continued
NIH to Enforce Bat Soup Consumption
April 1, 2006Soup made from the common bat has been found to possiblydiminish the effects of bird flu, andthe White House has announced that the National Institutesof Health will be enforcing twice-weekly consumption of batsoup by all Americans. NIH Enforcement Director GeneralEmilio... continued