Archived podcast for paid Subscribers only. Please login to access.It’s time to go deep. It’s time to get heavy. It’s time to get personal. It’s time to talk about the suicidal impulse that often goes hand-in-hand with sustained mystical contact, its origin, and why so few researchers and talk show hosts speak on these subjects with any depth at all.
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I have just loved listening
I have just loved listening to your “guest” today and last week. As one who has contemplated suicide, you have forced me to look at that urge in a different way. The transformation of which you speak just seems so unattainable. Even Ken Wilber, with all he has written and seems to have experienced is stuck very much in ego-defence. Maybe what you said last week could explain what is going on with knowledge “being in the way”. Going deep can be the scariest thing we ever do because society does not approve of women getting angry or being powerful or of men crying or exhibiting vulnerability. I think we are conditioned to be what western society dictates and are just too afraid to be our genuine selves, which would maybe necessitate the death of the ego.
Courageous honesty and
Courageous honesty and openness–I think this will be immensely helpful to at least one person out there. Great show.
♤ Very engaging, thank you ♧
♤ Very engaging, thank you ♧
That pressure pushing us
That pressure pushing us through the birth canal from the known to the unknowable reminds me of something that I believe Whitley touched upon which was the visitors as midwives. If this is true, then the UFO community at large has missed the most important piece of this phenomena. It is focusing mostly on these fascinating midwives and perhaps not at all on the birth. Thankfully, you and Whitley are addressing this birth.
genius.
genius.
Hi Jeremy
Thank you for your
Hi Jeremy
Thank you for your “rant”, yes, many people struggle with this.
My usual internal voice is an amazingly helpful guide,
always answering my inner questions with immediate answers,
advice, and more and more often, humor.
I think of my inner voice as a white board that any entity may write on.
Benevolent or otherwise.
Sometimes as often as once a day my internal voice says “kill yourself”.
(I have gotten into the habit of replying “no” or “not today”.)
I think your “need for transformation” is the answer,
When I keep taking steps towards my transformation that voice shuts up.
When I get wrapped up in my story line, then the voice pops up again.
The other theory, was it a recent Dreamland, that described a group of entities who really want all humans to die,
Maybe some of us are able to hear their thoughts?
Any way, I am going to work with your “need for transformation” suggestion to see if that works.
Thanks!
Hi Jeremy,
I think suicide
Hi Jeremy,
I think suicide appearing, to the shocked ego, as a viable shortcut to a more profound transformation is spot on. I think it’s also a desperate grasp at something ‘real’ to a mind or ego that feels and/or fears its own unreality. What could be more real than Death, so it appears as the ultimate contrast to a life with too many questions and inadequate answers, and in a world where all life seems to eventually end in death, it can seem a way to cheat the Cheater and trick the Trickster. How bitter it must be to realize you only cheated and tricked yourself.
I also went through a period where thoughts of suicide were a consolation. How serious I was I don’t know because I’m still here. I don’t think I would ever have really done it, yet I gave it what I thought was its due consideration, and the seriousness of considering death as the answer to life perhaps led me to question life more deeply, and be more willing to heed the answers.
Jeremy, I must say I enjoy
Jeremy, I must say I enjoy your rants, which I see as ponderances on life and such. Much of this did resonate. I had what I now know was a sighting when I was 14, followed by a series of strange events. I became afraid of the night sky, as I felt it was alive and watching me. I also became depressed and had severe feelings of loneliness and abandonment. This all happened again around 30. This time I kept hearing in my head, they left me here, how could they just leave me here. A horrible depression and feeling of abandonment lasted for about 2 weeks. Strangeness again ticked up about 3 years ago during a period of depression. (situational, all is fine now) Contact seems to bring a depression, but depression seems to bring contact. At least it has for me. Anyone else?
I was amazed at how much of
I was amazed at how much of that sounded like my life. Especially the Nine Inch Nails and lady troubles although NIN never quite made me feel suicidal but it did resonate with my depression. I grew up in a household ruled by the Vietnam war, Agent Orange, and post traumatic stress disorder. All of the screaming and throwing things seemed to be the catalyst that started causing the psychic dreams and visions. But to look at it honestly, I think it was always with me, the high stress just unlocked it. I say that because I remember a blue light flying over our car when I was two years old. I even remembered that it was on a county line, something I shouldn’t have known, and this was all verified by my parents who were also seeing red balls bounce around behind the house every night. Can’t remember any molestation but it’s something there is some evidence for.
A few years ago everything started unraveling. I was an owner of a successful family business that we had built with almost nothing. The trouble was we were popular and the phone was always ringing and I was dumb enough to be the guy answering it because hey, life can be expensive. The other problem was it sat right in the middle of the local paranormal triangle. I’ll be the first one to admit that I have no idea how all this works but for me some things seemed to be location based. Some of the things that have happened in this area are too insane to say out loud and I was sitting right in the middle of it every day. About 7 years into a giant stress ball and I’m starting to look for the right color tractor trailer to drive in front of on the way to work. The blackness of wanting it all to end had me in it’s firm grip.
While all this is happening massive waves of synchronicity were occurring. In particular related to the number 22. It’s a long story and no room for it all here. Strange things started happening regularly, impossible, mind boggling things. This began adding strain to an already impossible situation. At first, I just thought I was just going crazy, but once I got a secretary she started asking me what the hell was going on. She saw it too. One person even came in and began shouting about the number 22 at me.
From the moment I woke up every day I wanted to die. I wasn’t the person I was playing on TV and wanted it to stop but didn’t know how. A racquetball sized cancerous tumor had been growing in this environment and it did it for me. Wish granted if you will. My health insurance had been canceled thanks to the Affordable Care Act and I was flushing my life down the toilet both figuratively and literally.
It took a long time to get into the hospital after getting married to my girlfriend of twenty years to get her health insurance. I would later find myself sitting on hospital bed model 222 wondering how much time was left after the cancer diagnosis. It was the catalyst for an entire life re-do. One thing had become clear, the old me had to die to make a new one, just like you said in this episode. Sold my business, threw myself to the winds of the universe, embraced synchronicity and the general weirdness of being an experiencer, and turned to shamanism as a last ditch effort to save myself. Psilocybin came to my rescue in a very bizarre way and I’m happy to report at this point that I’m cancer free. I meditate every day now thanks in large part to the Monroe Institute, I’m writing again, and my guitar playing is getting interesting again. Great episode and I totally agree.
When suicidal thoughts creep
When suicidal thoughts creep in for me, it is almost always a feeling of ” I don’t like Earth life, I’m tired of this lifetime. I want to go HOME”. I do look forward to this lifetime being closed. But, in the meantime I’m doing my best to enjoy the ride.